I loved you… All I could say was “I will miss you”

They had been great friends. They were more than friends. That is how he said. But she fell in love. Things are never easy. Sometimes choices are made by compulsion. It was a loss for her. But she chose to miss him. Nobody asked her. She could have lived an easy life. She had spoiled her life for people who cared little for her. She did not want the same to happen to anyone. She chose to miss him because she knew he would move on. She knew it will be easier for him to ignore.

She remembers the first time they held hand, kissed, made love. It comes to her everyday. It tortures her. She remembers what he said while standing on the roof. She remembers that he was truthful to her. She wants things to go back to where she left. But he doesn’t talk. He has moved on. He has found someone. It hurts her to think of him with someone else. But it was her choice, and she has to deal with it. What hurts more is that he doesn’t care. It is her who should be blamed. She was the one who chose someone else over him. But it is true, she loved him.

People might think of her as someone who was not worth it. She wants to rewind things, wants to relive those moments again. There was something different about him. He made her smile. He was the one who cared enough to be with her even when the world stopped talking. She is afraid of finding him. She is afraid he might refuse to recognize her. He has moved on so fast. It hurts. She hopes that he would come back one day.

Fifty shades of Grey_Movie_2015

Fifty shades is an American erotic film series. The stars, Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan, are playing the lead roles of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey.

The film starts with Anastasia “Ana” Steele, a literature student, who goes to interview the wealthy Christian Grey. She is the perfect innocent and naive girl, who finds Christian Grey very intimidating. Christian Grey likes the innocence in her and wants to meet her more. They start going out. Christian gifts her a phone and a laptop so that he can constantly be in contact with her. When Ana is about to get happy about everything going on amongst her and Christian, he comes up with paper work for relationship. Ana is shocked about the same. She is unable to understand the need of a contract for a relationship. That is when Christian comes up with his obsession on being a dominant.

Ana finds it funny. But, Christian is serious about his contract. It is a detailed contract. It specifies every detail about the type of relationship they will have, and what are the limits to which the relationship could go. The contract is on BDSM(submission, dominance, and so on). Grey is open to negotiate on the terms. He also shows her his play room. It is his own private place. The room remains locked all the time. It is the place where he keeps all the tools(Anal hook, Bondage cuffs, and so on).

The story continues and Christian comes to know that Ana had never had a sexual relationship. Christian and Ana make love. The contract has yet not been signed and Christian wants Ana to make the decision as he is unable to let her go. Ana finally agrees to take a look at the contract. She wants to negotiate the terms and conditions. Ana was not happy at first but she treats the relationship as a business. They hold the meeting in his office. They exchange their notes. As per the contract, Ana was supposed to be with Christian from Friday to Sunday. Christian was happy that Ana had taken this seriously and being a dominant, he gave her a day of the week where they can go on date like a normal couple. He wanted to make love with her, but Ana just kept him that way.

Ana starts coming to his home. They make love. But, he never lets her touch him. He has a past, which has made him a demon that he is now. Ana wishes to know. They sleep in separate rooms. There are moments when Ana is not happy with the kind of relationship. She is not feeling loved. She gets a call from her mother and she breaks down. Christian comes to know about her plans of visiting her mother in a family dinner and gets angry. Ana calms him down.

When she boards the plane, she is informed that her seat has been upgraded to business class. Christian had done the same. She reaches there and meets her mother. She was out with her mother and was going to have her drink, when he gets a message from Christian not to. She comes to know that he is nearby. He takes her on an outing where they fly a glider. Christian constantly says that he is not a romantic, but these things make things romantic for Ana.

Till now Ana has not signed the contract. Christian wants her to sign it as they have discussed every detail of the contract. But Ana wants more. She wants Christian to open up. She wants to know more about Christian. Christian admits that he has never felt the way he feels for her, but he can not fall in love. It is the way he is. He likes to punish and reward his subs. Ana wants to know how bad he can get. She asks him to show her. He takes her to his play room. Asks her to bend and tells her that he whip her on her butt for 6 times and she has to count. She prepares herself for the same and he starts whipping. He whips so hard that tears start flowing from her eyes. She is hurt and she never wants Christian to touch her again. She is hurt that it pleases Christian to hurt her like that. She leaves.

My opinion about this movie is that you can watch it once but not more than that. It is a normal love story with lot of erotica. In some countries these scenes have been censored. So in those countries there is no point watching the movie. I was discussing the story with my friend, and our reaction was that it is a complete impossible kind of fiction. But the movie is nice to watch. It has some good soft porn. Ana has a nice body and Christian is awesome too. Girls can ask their boy friends to see the movie for tips. BUT, how can such a wealthy guy be into BDSM and stay wealthy? Is it possible? Also, if we come across such a guy, who owns a play room for BDSM, the first thing we would do is complaint to the police. I would be horrified if my boy friend comes out to be a freak. I would start to think of him as a serial killer. This movie is a complete fantasy. Many bloggers have said that it is like the story of Twilight except for that they are not vampires. I am waiting to watch the uncut version of the second part, fifty shades darker.

Beauty Precautions for Holi

Holi is a festival of colors. It is a festival of joy where people play, chase and color each other with colored powder and water. What bothers most is how to deal with skin and hair issues caused by rampant use of artificial colors. Here are a few tips:

  • Apply oil to your hair and body. You might not want to look oily and end up applying shampoo on your hair, but please do not. It will be a blunder. The colors tend to make your skin dry. If your scalp is dry, the colors will not come out easily and will cause itchiness and dandruff. You can apply oil on face too. If you do not want  to apply oil on face, at least apply a thick layer of moisturizer and sunscreen. Though if water is used, they tend to wash away leaving your wet face exposed to sun and harmful colors.

  • Apply nail paint on you nails. It will act as a seal and protect your nails from getting colored. Apply oil and cream on the cuticle and the space between the nail and skin.

  • Once you are back home after playing Holi, you can use a remover to remove the nail paint. Wash yourself from head to toe. You might need to wash your hair multiple times.

  • Do not use nails to take off the colors from you skin. Try using a cloth to rub the surfaces. The colors might not go on day 1. The complete week might be required to wash off the colors completely. Wash the inside of your ears.
  • Once you have bathed, apply moisturizer on your face and body. Clean the nails properly. For the complete week you might have to follow the routine to completely get rid of the colors.

  • Even after following this routine you might find red patches on your skin. Your face might become flaky. Do not worry. You just have to keep moisturizing the skin. The tan will also fade.

Do not be afraid of colors. Enjoy and drench yourself. Just take the precautions. Holi comes once in a year. Happy Holi!!

Teddies Are Old School..let’s copulate…:P

pdaIndian youths have been dating in secret. Out tradition has forced the youth to take their love affairs in open parks. The youngsters are so desperate, that almost everyday there are new videos coming up of couples having sex in parks or movie halls. Few parks have installed condom booths to curb unnecessary pregnancies and STDs. Why can’t an unmarried couple have sex? In our Vedas and Shastras, the saints are depicted doing the same. What is wrong if an unmarried couple have sex. If they are ready to take responsibility of their actions, why are people busy judging them.

A girl and a boy can not be in the same room alone. Parents won’t let their children have a live in relation. Everything is dependent on how the society will take it. It sometimes feel that our life is just to impress the society. Earlier I was afraid of going out with my boy friend, or to stay with him alone. I feared what my friends and the society will think. After a while when I saw that people do not care about you, they just think about themselves, I started being open about everything. I started going out with my partner and travel different places. When I tell my friends about my travel, they rarely ask me about my experience but start thinking about whether I have had sex or not. Actually, most of them think that I have had sex. To be honest, I enjoy when they think this, because they are the ones wasting their energy on this. Whatever I do when I am alone with a guy is personal. If someone asks me, I will give a straightforward answer. Believing it is on them.

Also, not just friends, many hoteliers won’t let unmarried couple stay in their hotels. Their is no rule that states that a couple cannot stay in a hotel if they are not married. Many a times the couples are harassed by either police or goons. I do not understand, why our seniors are so narrow minded. They are adults, who have reached their puberty. It is their hormones. It is natural for them to fall in love. It s natural for them to feel what they are feeling. They can not satisfy themselves by only masturbating. They sometimes need the presence of opposite sex. They need to have sex.

Boys groping their girl friends publicly in parks or in movie halls doesn’t show culture or tradition. They do not have the option to make love in the kitchen or in their bed. They need to be provided with private space. Their is a NEED. Their is a need to transform the orthodox mindsets of Indians.

Humans Or Prisoners

downloadSince we are born, we carry responsibilities. We carry values. Why are the ones who follow rules and still are responsible for destruction. Till there were only animals in the world, everything was pure, the air, the water. The moment we evolved from apes, we started destroying everything, and yet we are the most responsible ones.

We have been taught, not to disobey elders. Why? What is the reason? What is the logic behind? Being an only child, and because my parents were working, I was never close to anyone. I had few friends. I did not have the confidence to mix up. When someone tells me about respecting every decision your parents make, I do not see the reason. It used to be my birthday, but the crowd used to be my parents’ friends. What decision is that? I wanted to study something, my parents wanted me to be an engineer. I did not do well. How was that decision right?

I have always argued with many on this. Still I do not understand. Whenever I ask the reason to blindly follow your elders, they use their card “Because they have given birth to you”. Isn’t that the way with every creature? Someone gives birth to someone? Of course they cared, but every parents do the same for their children. Does that mean we are in a contract that we can’t oppose their decisions.

After successfully spoiling my career, I went ahead and kept struggling. I was not the smart one. I listened to everything my parents said, but nothing was right. I realized I was only someone who is supposed to not let the family down. But I did not want to be someone who has to live by rules. I wanted to live my life the way I wanted to. I started arguing when I did not find decisions right. I have always hated myself for not opposing my parents’ decisions on my career. I was always lonely at home, I just had a baby sitter. How are they deciding about me without knowing my interests.

Now I have chosen my career, and yes, it is not Engineering. I am not doing what would make my parents feel proud in society, but I ma happy. I moved out of my home, since then I never complained about my life. I have never asked my parents for money since I have started working. I have never asked for help. Even during my school and college days I would never share my problems with my parents. I was afraid of what they might think. I was afraid that they would call me a failure if I tell my problems. After moving out, I sometimes do not have enough money to enjoy the luxurious life I had when I was with my parents, but I ma happy. My smile has changed, everyone says. Everyone can feel my happiness.

I am happy when I Am not bound by rules and regulations. Yet people want us to obey the elders. What does this mean? Our elders do not care about happiness? Obeying and disobeying comes from within. You can care for someone, but you can not obey a person, you can obey orders if you think it is right. You can agree with someone on their idea, but the decision has to be yours. You have been given a brain to apply your decisions.

People call me a brat. They say it is their culture to follow such things. My question is who said that we have to follow it. I am not hurting someone physically or mentally. So, by not following tradition, how do I become unacceptable. Am I really free? Am I going to get another life to enjoy what I might miss in this life?

Loved Or To Be Loved


Since my teenage, I was quite interested in falling in love. I did not have the appearance, but still wanted someone to love me. I must have had a dozen crushes during my school days, but not many must have noticed me. I would listen my friends talking about their flirtatious conversations. Sometimes it really broke my heart to see my crush date another girl.

My love life started with me getting into college. The more I got involved, the lesser i cared about myself. The value of my love became inversely proportional to my marks. I failed, I struggled, I did not want my college friends to look down on me. I just kept struggling. I fell in love with someone, I don’t think he even considered me a girl friend. I was just another girl for him. I hurt someone, and hence he left me. Even now I know my intentions were not wrong. It was hard to make them believe that. After about a month of depression, just to forget everything, I started dating another guy. In a few months, I fell in love with him. He cared about me. We spent about 3 years together. And finally it did not work out. He had reasons not to be with me. I did not have any. I begged him to come back, but he did not. After months and months of begging I realized how foolish I had been. If people don’t respect you, that is a problem. But if you lose your self respect, that is a bigger problem.

I lost my job, I lost everything I thought I had. I went into a severe depression. The worst a person can do when he is depressed is to think that he will be able to come out of that on his own. My family did not know i was depressed, I did not have friends. I was all alone. Except there was someone, who somehow, was available for me during that time. Another college friend. I would be myself while talking to him. He would not mind a thing I would say. He was always there to support me from a distance. Even when I started dating, he was there. I just loved talking to him. And there was a time when I fell in love with this guy. But again because of my fault it did not work out.

After having several failed relations, I finally found someone who really cared enough to accept me and love me the way I am. I love him too. I care about him and his honesty. But memories can’t be deleted. I see my friends who were in love with someone else and got married to someone else, but I do not understand. I just could not do that. People say I will hurt my family, but why would they be hurt if I make a choice that makes me happy. I chose him. I had many reasons not to. But I knew, he loved me more than I did. I do not know, people say girls are bitch in case of love. I might have been one. But I still sometimes remember my old days with the other guys i had been with me, and I remember the good times we shared.

I had always wanted to fall in love with one. But if things did not work out, I always managed to find another. So is it true that love is just once? I feel love can happen as many times as you want to. I do not feel guilty, i cherish all the moments I have spent with the different kinds of people i have been with. I loved them. All of them. It was true love from my side. But when I got someone who loved me back with all his heart, I knew he is the one to chose.


Scope: There are almost one billion animals in our country roaming around freely in the streets and everywhere. A number of them are not cared enough and are left either wounded or suffering from various diseases. Though we have shelter houses operating at various places their number is not adequate and the facilities provided are insufficient. In such a situation it becomes imperative that shelter houses are established and made available at least one a district with all the facilities like health care, stall feed etc. The scheme will endeavor to full this gap and provide requisite services to uncared for animals.
Objective of the Scheme: Making provision for establishment and maintenance of shelter houses in all the districts of the country for care and protection of the animals.
Components of the Scheme:
  • Construction of Shelter Houses in each district.
  • Construction of small health care center for each shelter house.
  • Construction of Water trough.
  • Purchase of medical equipments.
  • Purchase of medicines.
Contents of the proposals:
The proposal for grant-in-aid should be submitted giving in all detail the following:
  • The statement of the problem which the project seeks to tackle.
  • The objective of the project.
  • The geographical area that will be covered.
  • The services that will be delivered, both institutional and non-institutional and the charges.
  • The cost estimates (separately item wise), non-recurring items.
Eligibility: Under the scheme, grants can be given to voluntary organizations/institutions, universities, research institutes, schools, statutory bodies like Panchayat Raj Institutions, Municipal Corporations, Town Area Committees, Red Cross Societies and its branches.
  • The organization should have at least have at least three years of experience of working in the related area or should show evidence of competence to take up the proposed scheme.
  • It should not be run for profit to any individual or body of individuals.
  • It should have a properly constituted Managing body with its powers, duties, and responsibilities clearly defined and laid down in a written constitution.
Definition of a Voluntary Organization: For the purpose of this scheme a voluntary organization will mean:
  • A Society registered under the Indian Societies Registration Act, 1860 (Act XXI of 1860); or
  • A Charitable non-profit making company;
  • A Public Trust registered under any law for the time being in force; or
  • Any registered non-official organization engaged in the conduct and promotion of social welfare.
Building: A copy of the site-plans/layout of the proposed building (rough sketch giving a broad indication of the building to be constructed and area to be covered etc.) and estimated cost of construction should be submitted. After the proposal has been approved in principle, the institution/organization will have to submit, blue-prints of plan with detailed structural estimates that the construction the building has been permitted. The estimates need not however be approved by State P.W.D. a certificate by the State Government/Approved value that the rates are not more than the prevailing P.W.D schedule of rates for similar work shall suffice.
  • The Institution must complete the building within a period of two years from the date of the receipt of the first installment of grant-in-aid unless extension is granted by the Central Government.
  • A certificate shall be furnished at the time of the application that a site which is neither already under any lease not notified by any legislation of the respective state govt; has been acquired for the construction of a building by the voluntary organization/institution concerned. No grant shall be sanctioned unless a site has already been acquired. No portion of the grant shall be utilized for purchase of land.
  • After the completion of the building, the organization shall furnish to the Central Government copies of the following documents.
  • A certificate to the effect that the building has been completed in accordance with the approved plans and estimates; and
  • A statement of expenditure incurred on the construction of building, duly audited by the authorized auditors.
Extent of Assistance: Financial assistance will be given up to 90 percent of the approved cost on recurring and non-recurring expenditure the balance of 10 percent to be met by the voluntary organization itself. In the case of an organization but preferable by the voluntary organization itself. In the case an organization working in a relatively new areas where both voluntary ;and Government effort is very limited but the need for the service is very great the Government may be 100 percent of the cost.
  • In the case of building grant, the Government grant will be limited in Rs.25.00 lakhs. In so far as non-recurring grant in aid under the scheme is concerned a ceiling of Rs.25.00 lakhs per annum per project shall be observed. However in exceptional cases the ceiling amount may be relaxed by the Secretary (E&F) after obtaining the concurrence of IFD.
  • In so far as grants-in-aid other than for the purpose of building are concerned the pattern of expenditure under this scheme for both existing as well as new projects shall broadly conform with the pattern of expenditure on similar items approved for similar schemes of the Ministry. However, in exceptional cases deviation may be allowed in consultation with IFD and with the approval of Secretary (E & Government of India).
Application and sanction: An organization desirous to apply for grant-in-aid under this program will send its application in the prescribed proforma to an authority or body designated of the purpose by the Ministry of Forest & Environments.
  • On receipt of an application for grant-in-aid inspection will be undertaken by the prescribed agency. On the basis of the inspection report of the prescribed agency the proposal will duly be processed.
Inspection: The Ministry from time to time will specify the nature, type and periodicity of the inspection and audit and the agency which will be designated to carry out the inspection and the audit.
Release of Grants-in-aid: Grants will be given in two installments. The first installment will cover 50 percent of the sanctioned amount and will be released on receipt of the proposal on prescribed proforma and on finding it correct. The remaining 50 percent will be released as the second installment. An execute a continuity bond valid for 5 years in the prescribed proforma to the effect that in the even of its failure to comply by any or all conditions of the grant it shall be liable to refund the whole or such part of the grant as the Government may decide with interest thereon. The organization shall maintain separate accounts of the grants of the grants received under the scheme. It shall always be open to check by an officer/agency deputed by the Government. It shall also be open to test check by Controller and Audited General of India at his discretion.
Reappropriation: The institution may re-appropriate expenditure from one sanctioned sub-head to another sub-head to a maximum of 25 percent in either cases. Such re-appropriation will be within the overall sanctioned amount. No expenditure shall, however, be incurred by re-appropriation of savings on items not sanctioned by the Ministry. Savings shall not be re-appropriated for incurring expenditure on staff that has not been sanctioned by the Ministry. All permissible appropriation should be reported to the Ministry. Prior approval for such re-appropriation is not necessary.
Changes in Approved Projects: No major changes will be made therein even, if no additional costs are involved unless the prior approval of the Ministry has been obtained.
Termination of Grants: If the Ministry is not satisfied with the progress of the project of it finds that these rules are being seriously violated, it reserves the right to terminate the grant-in-aid.